Blog closed down temporarily

Attitude & Platitude

2005-06-17T06:11:00.000-07:00

Wondering why on earth I need to take the brunt of the attitude problem of another person ? Why does my adrenalin rush when someone on the other side does not respond politely, in a civilized way, as you may expect to. Got to live with this as I have decided to live on. All part of life, halasya. Accept it.

"If you cant prevent a rape, lie back and enjoy" and you know who said this.

Currently listening to Ale Ale [Boys - Tamil]

100 Days of Blogging

2005-06-14T04:22:00.000-07:00

congrats
Originally uploaded by halasya.

Congrats halasya - 100 days of Blogging. Keep going to myself.

Burial At Sea

2005-06-13T04:04:00.000-07:00

Managed to finish off Burial At Sea [Khushwant Singh] in 2.5 hours on Sunday. A fiction built around Victor Jai Bhagwan, a Kashmiri Brahmin born and brought up in a typical English way as per the wishes of his lwayer father. Victor, who rose to become one of the biggest business tycoons of Independent India building an empire of the Jai Bhagwan Enterprises, was the most closest boy whom Gandhiji liked. He had a vision of building India into an industrialized modern nation. The story centers around the relationship between him, a tantric illiterate god woman, his haughty daughter Bharathi [read Indira] and her yoga guru and how this relationship leads to his downfall. The story is full of emotions, with the usual touch of sex, comedy, religious satire from Khushwant Singh. The most amazing part is that the central character has close resemblance with Nehru.

"The best way of doing things for people is to maintain a respectable distance. Distance leads to objectivity and a clearer perspective. Closeness makes you aware of warts and blemishes making everything look ugly and repulsive." - Khushwant Singh [Burial At Sea]

A Pedagogical Weekend

2005-06-12T23:00:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday was an important day in my life. Under the auspices of Wipro Care, an ngo from the Wipro family, I started off as a volunteer for teaching in Vivek Nagar Government School, Bangalore. My expectation of a school, my teaching skills were all shattered in a minute's time as soon as I entered the school. I had seen the condition of Government schools in Kerala, which are inferior to those in the private sector. But this one right in the India's Silicon City Bangalore, closer to the posh Koramangala - MG Road stretch was astonishing and shocking. There are only 7 class rooms in the school : 3 rooms for Tamil and Telugu medium each and 1 for Kannada. And in these 7 rooms they handle classes from 1 - 7. That means classes 1 - 3 are handled in the same room. The condition of the class rooms are too pathetic. There are no benches and desks for students. No tables or chairs for the teachers. All you would find would be some wooden planks on which the children would sit. I had volunteered to teach from 10 - 12 am for Mathematics in Tamil medium with extremely high expectations of social service, but now the distinct possibility of the my mission becoming a failure stares at me.

Telugu and Tamil medium children are the most. The children belong to poorest families belonging to the labour class. Though there is a Kannada class room, it has mostly Tamil - Telugu children as learning Kannada ensures reservation in Government jobs. The literacy lvel of the children irrespective of whether they are in 1st or in the 4th are all the same. They do look forward to their teachers with respect, want to learn a lot, but still they are in their playful age unmindful of how underpriveleged they are and what kind of a world lies outside.

As the school started off just last week, they are yet to complete the admission of children into the school, I was assigned a group of 4 children to start with - Appu, Mani, Nandu and Solomon. The children really looked diffident, resembling the face of a typical rural Indian boy with mucus flowing face emerging out of the most untidy buttonless shirt you could find out. Being the first day, there was no agenda for me. Just to engage with the students for some time. My initial half an hour was well spent talking to them about movies, favorite film stars, etc. I guess the students were vying with each other to get my attention initially. I could not sustain the tempo for long. Soon the children were restless with three of them running around in different directions. In between another went to piss, one went out to get a mango for himself. By the time it was 12, I was thoroughly exhausted at the total pandemonium in what was called a class, amidst all shouting, running and fighting between the students. I dispelled whatever myths I had that teaching was easy and I would fit into the bill easily.

Next week onwards, there would be a plan for my activities, but I dont expect much of an efficient coaching from my side. I have a long way to go. Now I have an ambitious target for these children, whatever I have "achieved"(in quote - unquote) till now is due to my education. I need to somehow make these children realize the importance of education. Now that I have had a handsome exposure an hour at this school, I now sincerely thank my mother from the summit of my heart for having provided a good education, sending me to the best possible schools around. Also I do thank all my teachers whose trouble I had a first hand knowledge of, on Saturday.

With just 2 hours of experience I can conclude, a good teacher is more than saint and teaching in a government school like that in Vivek Nagar isnt that easy at all.

The Week That Was

2005-06-10T03:54:00.000-07:00

The past week was inspiring indeed. A change of location from my Madiwala office to the Electronics city. It is significant to note the relocation from a building adjacent to a filthy stinking drain to a far off development center, avec fresh air away from the chaos and pandemonium of the city traffic. The campus here, needless to say, is beautiful. Mornings are cool. A long trip across the Jakkasandra - Sarjapura road where you can find mist filled in the trees of the woods. Inside the campus, I observed something strange - I could see a very clear sky - Blue sky with those white cirrus clouds. A pleasant and inspiring sight. Evenings are clouded but still you see "the sky like a black sieve pierced by silver drops that tremble, ready to burst through".

Sunday was "Direct Action Day : Cleanliness". Bored of power and water shortages due to the heavy downpour Bangalore has been receiving of late, decided to do something "productive". Cleaned my rest rooms, refridgerators. Arranged my cup boards and room. And also decided to indulge in some cooking.

Prepared a bowl full of fruit salad with ice cream made of tasty alphonso mangoes, kashmiri apples, papaya, banana, pomegranate, dates and cashews. My brother has been relishing it day and night. But I have lost interest in it as I am dead tired once I return home from office.

For a change, I have been sleeping well after my return to Electronics City. During my previous stint, read Infosys, I did not enjoy sleeping - I never used to get sleep at all !

And now about the work. I was supposed to work for a mobile games project in J2ME TM (Java 2 Micro Edition). But for now it is on hold. So I am working on some "WAP Transcoder - Access Control Proxy" for 3G / 2G Mobile handsets. Some jargon studded stuff to boast around :-)

I do not know but I have been moving between extremes for some time. Sudden happiness with overjoy to extreme melancholy; from extreme enthusiasm to total lack of interest. Fundamental questions of life do recur very often, ya I hope this too is a passing phase in life.

But I realize, I should move ahead, if not for me, for there still are people who care for me and love me. At least I should look forward for the java code snippets smiling at me, for that relishing cup of la tea avec lait. At least for the daily glimpse of Lord Krishna's idol, in gun metal, whom I worship every day morning. At least for listening to MS Subbhalakshmi's rendering of "Angam hare pulaka bhooshanam ashryantheem". At least for my mom whose lap is the ocean of love and whose hands are the icons of affection. At least for seeing a mail Thanks for a "Gift from some one you love".

And know what is my latest passion ? I have been drafting a Vision and Mission Plan for my own Life; in process of formulating / tuning some guiding principles in my life. Know for sure this crazy but still would give it a try. No deadlines planned. But hopefully when the draft is ready; my doubts shall end.

Currently reading : The Anthem [Ayn Rand] .

Fundamental Questions of Life

2005-06-02T03:46:00.000-07:00

Of late, I am tormented by the fundamental questions of life. What for, whys in life ? I guess I am a bit too tired of life. Either I dont have any targets to achieve in life or I have already achieved my targets or is it that my dreams are too unrealistic to achieve that makes me feel so tired ? Feel like the mid life crisis experienced by Raymond in "Everybody loves Raymond".

Thought I would have lots of posting. But again the fundamental questions dominate me. Have lots of stuff to post to, but not in a mood to do so now.

Enough of it My Lord!!!

2005-05-17T23:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel that i have lived enough; oh lord why not take me away. May be i am just 24 years old. But dont worry; i am not going to crib even if u take me now. No suicide attempts. Waiting for the best moment of life in its natural form : death. Enough of this worry called life.

Samudre vasane devi parvatha stana mandale
vishnu patni namsthubyam padhasparsham kshamaswame !

Nouveaux Visage

2005-05-11T04:05:00.000-07:00

A new look and feel for my blog !
Just to show dear I care for my blog :-)
Thought a total revamp is required in its form and appearance.

And before I conclude the post, did you know about my latest add-on to get a geeky look? Bought a pair of plain glasses with anti - reflection coating, in GIORDANO tungesten frame a typical round Gandhian style. Cost me about 4500 bucks.

I would like to rephrase GB Shaw's statement :
"Its too costly to desire to look good ! "

Usual Stuff

2005-05-11T02:49:00.000-07:00

Got a recent forward from one of old time friends -

"Talaash karo koi tumhe mil jayeega
Magar hamaree tharah thumhe kaun chaheega
Zarroor koi chahat ki nazar see thumhe deekheegaa
Magar hamara dil kahan see layeega "

My own translation

"Search and you'll get someone whom you find fine,
But who'll love thou with all the heart like mine ?
Sure, someone would see you with love,
But again, from where to get a heart like a dove ?"

Joined the place where I once dreamt about, where I wanted to be. Now its upto destiny to lead me to what I want to be !

As usual attended some good induction presentations for the past 3 days.

Some nice quotes from the presentations -

ISO 9001 - "Do what you say and say what you do".

The facilities personnels lament -

"In today's world, nobody wants to do any work today, everybody wants it yesterday!"
"Have you been driving so fast and so long that you have even forgotten to fill gas in ur car?"

The caption of my company's KM wing (Knowledge Management - one of my favourite areas) -
"The limit is the thought".
The symbol for KM happens to be two alpha symbols back to back and a white dot in the center. (alphas representing the infinite knowledge in any direction and the white spot representing the human soul for creativity.)

No wonder why the HR has selected the punch line -
"Challenge for the Mind, Reward for the Soul"

This one is a bit touching :-
"Its too dangerous to be too good" - GB Shaw on Gandhiji's assasination.

Athenaeum

2005-05-06T01:09:00.000-07:00

Of late I have been a bit too enthusiastic about reading. My long time wish came to true last week when I completed "Freedom At Midnight" - Jacquie Collins and Dominic La Pierre. A very nice book for any one who is interested in a comprehensive yet a third party view of the last few days of the Indian Independence Struggle. I feel, perhaps it is a bit biased towards Lord Mountbatten. After completion of this book, I have a few more books added to my wish list :

Oh Jerusalem! - by the same authors
Unto the Last - John Ruskin
War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
Glimpses of World History - Jawaharlal Nehru
Geethanjali - Rabindranath Tagore
Midnights Children - Salman Rushdie
Sardar Patel
(Hindi Movie - starring Paresh Rawal as Sardar Vallabh Bhai Patel - The Iron Man of India)

Also in my list are Khalil Gibrans books and Marx / Engel's writings. (Never mind, I am never a communist, nor do I believe in Utopia)

One striking aspect which I liked from the book is the highlight given on Gandhiji's "brahmacharya", renunciation of worldly pleasures. Luckily, I was able to get an mp3 and full lyrics of Tagore's famous and Gandhi's favourite "Ekla Chalo Re".

Early this week, I was able to start on Hon. APJ Abdul Kalam's "Wings of Fire". Two most inspiring sentences from the book for the sake of wider audience .

"Learning, without wisdom, is of no use".

"You should master three mighty forces to achieve your goal - desire, belief and expectation."

The description given about prayer by Abdul Kalam is amazing. I wonder how his thoughts are similar to Gandhijis views on Prayer.

I also found time to read Arindham Choudhari's "Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch". He eloquently describes on the need for the right attitude towards anything to succeed. Right attitude is about being pa

A Brief History of Time

2005-05-05T23:27:00.000-07:00

Bengali Song
__________

"Jodi Tor Dak Soone Keu Na Asse
Tobe Ekla Chalo re
Ekla Chalo Ekla Chalo Ekla Chalore

Jodi Keu Katha Na Kai Ore Ore O Abhaga
Jodi Sabai Thake Mukh Firae Sabai Kare Bhay
Tabe Paran Khule

O Tui Mukh Fute Tor Maner Katha Ekla Balo re
Jodi Sabai Fire Jai Ore Ore O Abhaga
Jodi Gahan Pathe Jabar Kale Keu Feere Na Chay
Tobe Pather Kanta

O Tui Rakta Makha Charan Tale Ekla Dalo re
Jodi Alo Na Dhare Ore Ore O Abhaga
Jodi Jharr Badale Andhar Rate Duar Deay Ghare
Tobe Bajranale
Apaan Buker Panjar Jaliey Nieye Ekla Jalo re"

English Translation
_________________

"If they answer not to thy call walk alone,
Walk alone, walk alone, walk alone, walk alone.

If they are afraid and cower mutely facing the wall,

O thou of evil luck, Open thy mind and speak out alone.
If they turn away, and desert you when crossing the wilderness,

O thou of evil luck, Trample the thorns under thy tread,
And along the blood-lined track travel alone.

If they do not hold up the light when the night is troubled with storm,
O thou of evil luck, With the thunder flame of pain ignite thy own heart
And let it burn alone"

-- Nobel Laurete Rabindranath Tagore

Only time would tell me whether I am right or wrong in today's decision. But still, I would
prefer to walk alone, walk alone, but would still I would walk, even though I am alone. I remember my Infosys project manager's (Narayana Prasad Shankar's) words - "If your conscience is clear, you need not have to worry". My principles and my convictions demand absolute faith and loyalty from me - only to myself.

Yes, hail the religion of selfishness.

Motivations & Positive Thinking

2005-04-26T05:51:00.000-07:00

Yes, down for a long time, thought of watching the motivation video cassette from the HR in my company library. Noting it down since I found it impressive and could motivate someone else in his or her turbulent times.

1) Positive Thing wont let you do anything and everything, but it will let you do anything better than negative thinking.

2) Positive Thinking can work for any one.

3) Humans by nature are all conditioned to be negative thinkers. There is nothing bad about being negative for the past. Its because of the travails of yeterday. But that is not an excuse for the negative thoughts for tomorrow

4) Failure is an event. You can definitely change.

5) There are 3 kinds of motivation
a) Fear Motivation - works on intimidation. Temporary and works for weak people
b) Incentive Motivation - works on lucrative attraction of bonus. Again temporary till
your wants flatten out.
c) Growth Motivation - the only one which can sustain over a longer time.

6) Motivation is never permanent, but so is bathing. We have to forcefully bring in motivation to our life, just like sanitation, as we get corrupted regularly by the world which is essentially negative.

7) Motivation helps you in bringing the right attitude. In most of the work places, it is the attitude that matters.

Not in a mood to write much for the day. Hope to bring back the enthu soon.

Elementary Dr. Watson !

2005-04-02T07:48:00.000-08:00

The dream of having a daily blog has now reduced to a weekly affair with the usual resolutions galore to continue on a daily basis. These are the key stuff which I did for this week.

Met one of my dearest buddies on Sunday, had a nice chat for around 5 hours with him. Really enjoyed the session. There are times when you feel that you need to speak or even just listen to some one whom you are very close to. Had to burn 180 bugs for him, giving him treat. He was at his usual best that day. A wonderful evening.

Monday to Thursday was usual, boring, routine monotonous office life. Going through documentation and diagrams. Though the latter half of the week saw me getting more and more responsibilitis. It now seems that I would be in US very likely by the end of May or early June. Have applied for a business visa, last time I had travelled in a work permit or H1. Now this time, if at all it happens, will be on a B1. The destination is gonna be the Raleigh office, NC. Still to make up my mind on the decision of whether to go or not. Unlike my earlier days, I have decided to procrastinate things. This I learnt from the life of Former Indian premiere, PV Narasimha Rao. He very often resembles my grandmother, I have a kind of respect and affection for him. Political pundits often used to mock him - "His biggest asset was to decide not to take a decision". Political Analysis, one of my favorite topics. Let me stop on it here. The point here is, I used to be a relentless fighter against the slowness of the system. Somehow, now I feel that the inherent strength of the entire system is its slowness. So I too have decided not to act against fate, let it take its own course......

Friday was a bit different. I had a session on Quality Management Services. It was taken by Saeed, an external instructor. I had gone to the session with very low expectations. Reached there only at 9:30 am, the session was supposed to be between 9:30am - 5pm. (I hate to be a late comer, somehow, I dint feel like going early that day.) Thought it would be another boring session. But, viola, it was one of the best sessions I have attended after joining this organization. Well managed both in terms of content and time. The session was on "Review & Inspection Effectiveness". The session invoked lots and lots of thoughts about the quality of software that we guyz, the software professionals deliver. Planning to read the book "The Decline and Fall of the American Programmer" by Edward Yourdon. Another one in my list, I have already secured a copy of it - "The Mythical Man Months" by Brooks.

Caught a good liner on quality from Saeed - "The fundamental problem is that you are eating soup with a fork, Give yourself the time to put down the fork and pick up the spoon, things will be alright".

Friday evening was another good one, with one of those Summer Showers blessing the now-so-hot Bangalore. Had a good Dominos Veg Pizza with a coke, enjoyed being drenched in the rain and returned home. Somehow, my connectivity at home is down for the past 2 days. Couldn't sleep till 2 am yesterday. All I did was switching between various TV channels, never mind nothing pornographic was shown.

Saturday was a lazy one, arranged my Tech Stuff in my laptop around a month old, sorted out the mp3s. Believe me, I need to write a software to somehow keep track of my Tech Downloads & mp3s. Went to the British library, thinking that all I have is just 5 minutes to return my books before the close it for the week. Was rather surprised to find a quiz scheduled on the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - "Holmesian Evening".

The quiz was a moderate one, the cut off for the prelims was 7, I too tried my luck. I was rather lucky to get 6 out of 10. Got one of my favorite one liners right in the quiz - "Watson, you can see things, but you fail to observe".

Was rather amused by the fact these novels and short stories date back atleast 100 years. Many series have since come and gone, but the great detective still rules the readers mind. To sum it up, there was a short clip from the movie "The Hound of Baskerville" and the presentation ended with the famous hat and pipe of Sherlock Holmes. An pleasant surprise gift indeed after a boring week.

Much ado about Nothing !!!!

2005-03-26T03:26:00.000-08:00

Its been almost two weeks since I posted. Well, I was actually planning to have weekend trips to Somnathpur, Badami & Hampi, around North Karnataka state in India. These places are famous for the relics of ancient temples that speak volumes about the erstwhile Hoysala and Vijyayanagar Empires. But God Almighty had other plans. Last week, I had some personal work at home and this weekend I was down with high fever.

Never mind, if destiny so decides, I will visit these places one day. I am simply amazed by the human talent called "art". Whether it is sculpting, poetry, programming (is it an art???), music or dance, it simply ceases to amuse me! What a wonderful copulation of man's existence with nature. When I see a beautiful sculpture, a stone work, it is a source of immense pleasure and joy. Think about the sculptor who would have spent hours, days, months or even years of efforts to bring out such magnificent sculpture like Lord Virupaksha, Lord Narasimha in Hampi or even the Channa Kesahava (Krishna) at the star shaped Somnathpura Hoysaleshwara temple or even the Nataraja idols at Badami. Hmmm, I wonder how many programmers do have such an aesthetic taste whenever they write code! I have had enough fights with my project mates over this many times.

I have been to Belur and Halebidu, both in Hassan, near Bangalore where you can still find the preserved monuments of the Hoysala architecture. Unfortunately it was two years back, when I was a relatively poor chap, I dint even own a digital camera at that time.Hope I would visit these sites, spent a dusk in these places. One of my life time ambitions is to visit The Sun temple, (yes you guessed it Lord Adithya) at Konark. In India, the erstwhile ruling dynasties across the sub continent have left their impression through these wonderful sites. Probably Emporer Ashoka might have thought of attacking Kalinga to take possession of the remarkable Sun Temple at Konark. Think about it, on a summer evening, during the dusk, when the sun is in its orange state, too tired of his daily routine. Even at these times, he never forgets to beautify the world through his orange rays.

"Aum Bhaskaraye Vidmahe Mahadyutikaraya Dimahi, Thanno Adithya prochodayaaath"

I am deeply charmed by you Oh Lord Aditya. Whatever religion one might adhere to, Hinduism, Christianity or Islam, one should agree that The Sun is the universal source of energy for all of us. Think about it for a while - Monday mornings, before we get ready for work / study, it is The Sun which provides with a new vigor and valor to proceed with life, leaving behind the past week. I like Hinduism because of its close association with Nature, probably being one of the oldest religions of the world ( to put it in Dan Browns words, the "pagan culture") Where else would you find such a beautiful association of man with nature. Man, the Vedas say, is built of five basic elements, (Pancha Bhoothas) Fire, Air, Water, Earth, and Sky or Ether. Hmm, guess I must stop with going deep into Hinduism now, for it is one topic on which I can write and speak on length without being tired.

For the past 2 weeks, whenever I get time, I am listening continuously, to one of the old music hits by the South Indian Maestro Ilaya Raja. "Azhagu Malar Ada" by S. Janaki directed by Ilaya Raja, from the movie "Vaidehi Kathirunthal" (1984). The story is that of a young girl, widowed on the first day of her marriage itself.
The Indian society is very conservative, though its a bit improving these days. A widow is never allowed to live a normal life. Wearing a white sari, she is supposed to lead an ascetic life, bereft of all comforts of life. The plot thickens when the heroine falls into love with a young man. The song expresses the despair when she is caught between the social taboos and her own innate desire for a support in life. The song has been well rendered by S.Janaki. The song is captured in a picturesque dance scene performed by Revathi, drum beating by Delhi Ganesan (the widows father in the story)

What actually captures my attention is the plot of the song, the shot which has been taken in a typical south indian temple. As far as I understand, it is the combination of the various majestic forms of human art and culture - Poetry, Music, Dance and Architecture. The song also brings into picture the fact that essentially human life is full of sorrow with occasional joy which is nothing but an oasis. Also reflecting in this song is the thirst in every human being to find a partner for life. My understanding about love is that it is above sex. Have you ever missed or lost someone in life? Have you felt the pain of losing someone whom you have passionately loved? When I mean someone, it can be a gal, a guy or something very abstract. Take for instance, I feel like a fish out of water if I am asked to spend a day without computer! Does that mean that I have sex with a computer on a daily basis ? Hmm, Thats another story, though.

My intention is not to convert this blog to a lyrics site. Nevertheless, I would continue to post the lyrics of songs which I love the most as a tribute to the great souls who composed and rendered them.

Azhagu Malar Ada

Album : Vaidehi Kathirunthal (1984)
Lyrics : Vairamuthu
Music Direction : Ilaya Raja
Sung By : S. Janaki
Raaga : Hindolam / Malkauns
Taala : Kanda chapu.

azhagu malaraada abhinayangal sooda
silamboliyum pulambuvadhu kael
viral kondu meettaamal vaazhginra veenai
kulir vaadai konjaamal kodhikkinra soalai
pagaliravu pala kanavu iru vizhiyil varumbozhudhu

(azhagu)

aaaa...
aagaayam illaamalae oru nilavu tharai meedhu thallaadudhu
aadhaaram illamalae oru kodiyum aadaamal thalai saayudhu
thaalaththil saeraadha thanippaadal onrusangeedham kaanaamal thavikkinradhu
vidiyaadha iravaedhum kidayaadhu enruoor sonna vaarththaigal poyyaanadhu
vasandham ini varumaa vaazhvinimai perumaa
oru pozhudhu mayakkam oru pozhudhu kalakkam
badhilaedhum illadha kaelvi

(azhagu)

aaaa...
oodhaadha pullaanguzhal oru pozhudhum soodaadha poovin madal
thaeyginra manjal nilaa oru thunaiyaith thaedaadha vellaip puraa
poongaatrum medhuvaagap pattaalum poadhumponmaeni neruppaagak kodhikkinradhu
neerootrup paayaadha nilampoala naalumen maeni tharisaaga irukkinradhu
thanimaiyilum thanimai kodumaiyilum kodumai
inimai illai vaazhvil edharkku indha ilamai
vaerenna naan seydha paavam

(azhagu)

A Very Loose Translation

Behold the beautiful rose that swings in the wind,
Listen to the rhythm of dancing legs,
The veena lays alone without being touched for a note.
The slow moving stream shies away from fog,
I feel the same whenever I get dreams during day and night!

A flag which is supposed to swirl lies astill without support
A poem which is out of tune is waiitng for a music
The village says there aint any night without a dawn,
But even that seems to be a lie now,
Will there be spring back to my life?
Will there be sweetness and joy back to life?

A flute which is never used for a note,
A flower garland which is never worn,
A lonely pigeon without even looking for a mate,
A slight wind with an aroma of flowers burns my body red
My body lies like a field without water nourished
Ah! what a solitude, what a torture, what a pain!
Why a youth without sweetness in life?
What a big sinner am I !!!!

Look at this line : "thanimaiyilum thanimai kodumaiyilum kodumai" The biggest torment or torture is solitude within solitude. It can be better explained with experience than words!

Lot of changes in life. All of a sudden, I am expected to behave in a much more matured way. My elder brother is getting married. In fact he is getting engaged on May 26th. Have to arrange for everything, as I have taken up the responsibility of the entire function. In between, I have an overseas travel assignment from my new job. Might be at Raleigh, North Carolina for about three months. I would love to travel for such a short duration, the work also seems to be good. But if it clashes with my brothers engagement date, I may have to be ready for sacrifices.
In fact, the most tormenting time in life is when you dont have choices, but when you have options. I am a religious follower of Ayn Rand, her virtue of selfishness and objectivism in life. But there are times when you have to make compromises in life.

Also, as a consequence of this, I would have to move in to a new house. Planning to buy a new house. As usual, being a lot verbose about my dreams, doing nothing on ground.

Aah, Much ado about nothing !

Metamorphosis

2005-03-15T17:02:00.000-08:00

Minor modifications to my blogs. Added my blog to blogwise. Also, added a counter to my blog. Heartfelt thanks to sitemeter & blogwise for their gifts to my 10 day old baby.

Guess, my love for my blog is turning to be just a lipservice. I want to write a lot, hope I have all the time and bandwidth on earth to blog it!

Tired of presentations. The last day. A bit of sagging morale. Am I missing some one whom I am very close to ? Am I longing to talk to someone so close that absence of that persons hurts me deeply ?

Heard this during my last vacation from a friend of mine. A bit too demotivating -

"Life is the penance that you perform between the hell called birth and heaven called death".

Fusion

2005-03-12T19:30:00.000-08:00

My child, my offspring, my posion, my halasya, my page is one week old today. Thought i would celebrate the existence of my blog with a long post, which I have been trying for a long time. How possessive I am wih my blog. I browse my blog every now and then to see if someone has commented on it, though i know there is nothing in the first post to comment on.

The past one week was a fusion of joy and sorrow. Did the best thing I always like to do. Take sessions on technical topics. Was busy with technical sessions since Wednesday. By Friday evening, I was damn exhausted. I always wanted to be teacher. Always love the profession of teaching. Learn and keep spreading knowledge. The best way you can give back something
to the society is by learning something new and making it easy for others to understand. I am always proud to rate myself as a good teacher, this week to I got to hear the usual presentation kudos. But how many people give objective feedback - It would have been better if you had explained this in that way !!!

These days I keep on asking myself "What did you do new today ?" Got this inspiration from one of the Airways ad (forgot which one) showing a pretty old lady flying for the first time. An inspiring ad indeed. This week on Thursday, went for yoga, an Indian methodology for practising exercises to put it in a simple way. Found it really amazing that yoga is all about synchronizing your body movements with breathing and mind. But unfortunately, missed it on Friday and Saturday. Happened to hear this dialogue in one of vernacular movies here - "Human Mind is like a school kid, at times it shows disobedience". How true. This week itself my mind has been moving from one end to another. Probably sine waves were invented to describe mental behaviour, I wonder.

Met a few of my ex colleagues, for a minute felt nostalgic about my good old days for sometime. Yesterday it was raining cats and dogs. Was thinking about my school days to the days of first job when rain always used to be a spoilsport to my driving passions. Yesterday saw how easy it is for a person to get skidded on the main road, during the first rain in summer triggerring a chain reaction of accidents.

My mind is raving very much to undertake a long trip. My brother has gone for a trip to the hills and valleys. I want to be in an Island for atleast a week, where you are surrounded by blue sea, have lots of greenery and you have a person whom you like the most (be it a guy or gal), with whom you dont feel boring talking endlessly for hours and hours. And listen to classical music when you are tired.

Had a nice chat with one of my old buddies on Thursday. Even he is going on a vacation this weekend.

There is a new English movie called "SINS", an Indian one by all means, made by an Vinod Pande which is doing rounds in the headlines these days. I always used to love Christianity and was amused by the way in which Jesus Christ used to teach simple virtues through small stories. My amusement for Christianity found a new perspective when I was introduced to "The Da Vinci Code".

The plot of the movie is that of sexual relationship between a Christian priest and a girl. A relation which starts off on a compassionate note, ends up in a physical one. Though the movie is making headlines for "blasphemy" and for "provoking scenes", what has caught my attention is the way the society thinks about other relations. The society is always bothered about what kind of relation two people have. I have always treated sex as a divine culmination of "oneness" between two living entities. The world is made free, it should give humans the freedom of loving another person in hatever way it suits him / her.

They teach us in schools that difference between man and animal is civilization, society, freedom and rational ideas . Now the same society is curbing mans freedom to love whoever he wants.

Hmmm, Sipping a hot cup of capuccino, I am looking out for a new week ahead. Listening to a fusion music - a fusion of "nadaswara" (eastern, South Indian Carnatic) with guitar. Two compositions are still reverberating- "Nagumomu" and "Samajavaragamana". Carnatic music, I believe, has enormous powers. It can pacify a disturbed mind with enormous strength. Today morning, I was in a terrific sorrowful mood, donno why "indulge" in being sad once in a while. Got the fusion CD for Rs.150 /- (around 3$) from Music World in the afternoon. I have to take it with a pinch of salt, but still I enjoy listening to a music which I have purchased legally, on a saturday evening and surfing the net from my PC.

This blog has presented me a new friend, who commented on my blog the very first day within few seconds of its creation. We are regularly in touch for the past one week. To use his own words, I am now used to getting his "words like a spirit" on a daily basis.

Looking forward for a new week with some new resolutions, lets see where time takes me.

"Discussion is an exchange of knowledge. Argument is an exchange of ignorance."

Sophomore

2005-03-05T16:50:00.000-08:00

My first posting in my blog. Hope to continue blogging for a long time. Yes, it is not without birth pangs. As a small child which opens its eyes into the world, destined to see all the beautiful and ugly part of the world, I stay a bit amused and confused on which way life in general is getting moved. A bit sad that I dint get my preferred name for my blog. Some other lucky guy has already taken - aaditya. The Sanskrit word for The Sun, the eternal energy giver. Sun, my favourite god, my favourite company (take me for granted as an eternal Java sympathizer). But then selected the second preferred name -Halasya , a Sanskrit noun encore, meaning Poison. Thought halasya would best fit my blog name as it would cover all my 'posionous' thoughts :)

A good start indeed after days and days of contemplation as to whether I should get my stupid, wild and queer thoughts posted at all !

Hope to bring in lots of blogs as time progresses.